wheezing

Well, I overdid it. I ploughed thru cleaning my bedroom- did much needed rearranging. Stirred up dust. The closet is stuffed to its gills with things i need to go thru. My gills are clogged with dust. I must have used my inhaler more today than i have in a week. Next up is the kitchen and bathroom. Then the pile in the living room of things to go thru,the stash in the closet, etc. Basically I'm breaking things down in smaller piles to deal with. I've had 4 years of death and trauma to distract me from the housecleaning. Let's see - father dies on election day 2004, brothers starts major freakout, brothers say paramedics killed him. -he had an aneurysm- he was to sick for the docs to operate- it burst- he was dead before he hit the floor. mother contracts lung cancer, brothers freakout and dont want us helping mom, brothers announce mother cured of cancer, mother has stroke, mother is not cured of cancer and needs to go to hospice. brothers freakout and says all doctors are quacks and mother is not dying. get mother into nursing home and with a dnr order. brothers freakout and threaten arrest for trespassing because i am visiting my mother in nursing home. i freakout inside because i'm keeping this cheerful face on so i can give my mother a peaceful death. I let my brothers focus on me so i only visit once a week with a brother attendee, so my sister can visit freely. mother dies peacefully. brothers freakout and say nursing home killed her. Brother follows me around my mothers house with a gun as we get things together for her funeral(they locked us out- as they lived with her because they couldnt afford to live on their own at 30+) The county falls apart and so does their probate system, along with their slow-paced country lawyers- 2.5 years and counting, waiting for the estate to be settled. Meanwhile, nephew contracts cancer, caught early-prognosis is very good- just that chemo takes forever and he keeps getting sick from it. eventually, he's given all clean. One brother settles down and with a wife too. Missy Cat dies of cancer. I break down at vet. It's the c word. Luckily, i felt bad about this cute little stray around christmas time and let her into the house so i dont have a empty but cluttered, messy apt to go home to. New election time, and everybody gets on the edge. Everyone is mean to each other. And afterwards, it's a relief. I guess that's what the last 9 months have been - very stressful, but things get turned around. I feel like, I can throw double sixes now instead of snake eyes. And if not, well, with a bit(okay -lots)of hard work, i can muddle thru the situation pretty good. So, I'm getting there and hopefully I'll be able to look at the new year with a clean house. Actually, that's the schedule. Unless work screws me up. And if it does, I'll get thru it.

lazy sunday for me and the cat -- dont ask me what this is. I'm just playing around with photos and making them into manga style backgrounds.